Sympathy Meals
Sympathy meals such as funeral potatoes are often used to share a meal with others. Sharing meals in time of celebration or hardship, weddings and funerals is a long-standing tradition. Sharing food can be found in the bible, with the multiplication of loaves and fishes and wedding feast descriptions. Food is necessary sustenance, but it can also show comfort, sympathy, support, help, friendship, and love. When we give food, we give of ourselves, our resources, time, and love. Comfort food is truly a comfort, to minds, hearts and bodies. Sustenance and love.
While we are all familiar with potluck dinners and sharing meals and treats at holidays, sharing food is also common in times of hardship and tragedy. My earliest memories of sympathy meals are when my husband’s grandfather died. I was in wonder of the women who showed up at the door, laden with cakes and casseroles. How did they know to bring food? It felt so caring, I knew I would never forget the feeling of gathering around his Grandfather’s old kitchen table, using his worn plates and forks to break bread and share lemon poppy seed Bundt cake.
Often, when there is death or hardship, it is common to bring a casserole, or a food that can be easily refrigerated, warmed and served to multiple people. The recipient is usually busy coordinating funeral plans, guests, music, paperwork, health care, finances, and can be overwhelmed. Having a casserole (or 3) safe in the refrigerator is one less thing to worry about.
Funeral Potatoes as Sympathy Meals
While any and all casseroles are commonly given as a sympathy meal, one special tradition stands out: a casserole known as funeral potatoes. The name funeral potatoes originated in the Mormon, LDS, tradition, where the Relief Society would plan food for after a funeral. The food almost always includes funeral potatoes.
Funeral potatoes are a cheesy hash brown casserole. While the name funeral potatoes is common with Mormons, the casserole is known throughout America. Throughout the internet, this potato casserole has many names by region, including party potatoes, cornflake potatoes, Texas potatoes, cheesy hash brown casserole, hash brown casserole, those potatoes, wedding potatoes, potato hot dish, cheesy potatoes, company potatoes, potato casserole and Christmas casserole. It has been referenced online by people in Ohio, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Illinois, Missouri and throughout the south, in addition to Utah.
Apparently, some mixture of potatoes, cream and cheese are the ultimate in comfort food – perfect for sympathy meals or joyful gatherings.
What are Funeral Potatoes?
Funeral potatoes are a casserole with a hash brown potato base with a creamy sauce. The sauce is often a combination of cream soup, onions, cheese and sour cream. Most funeral potatoes have a crunchy topping – usually potato chips or bread crumbs with butter. These casseroles are simple to make, with ingredients that are affordable and have a long shelf life, so are often already in the cupboard.
Some funeral potatoes offer a twist of spices, chile peppers or meet such as ham or bacon.
No one really knows the origin of funeral potatoes, but the combination of affordable, easy, at hand and the creamy comfort of cheesy potatoes, it seems like the perfect solution for a sympathy meal full of compassion.
How to Organize a Sympathy Meal
In times of need, communities will often come together to organize providing sympathy meals. Organizing helps inform both the recipient and the donors what types of food are needed and when.
First, the organizer should determine
- Likes and dislikes
- Needs
- Allergies
- Number of people to be fed
- Resources at hand (does the recipient have a microwave, stove or oven?)
This information and a schedule can then be shared with the community. In the days of the internet, there are many options for planning including:
- Phone tree – old fashioned but effective
- Google calendar
- Google docs
- Meal train
- Food Tidings
- Meal baby
- Take them a meal
- Care calendar
Options for Sympathy Food
While I recommend Funeral Potatoes (of course), there are only so many creamy delicious potatoes one family can consume. Other foods are also necessary and are be greatly appreciated in time of need.
When my Mom was dealing with my Father’s illness, she wasn’t taking time to care for herself, often forgetting to eat and drink. Each week, I made her a week’s worth of lunches and stacked them in the fridge for her to grab on the go.
Additional options include:
- Casseroles other than funeral potatoes
- Soups and stews
- Chile
- Make your own food kits (ie: ingredients for soup, tacos, pancakes)
- Drinks
- Salads
- Fruit salad
- Dessert
- Meat and cheese plate
- Fresh bread
- Breakfast casserole
- Pastries
- Cookies and milk
- Prepared, frozen ingredients for a slow cooker meal
- Pre-packed lunches
- Cheese and crackers
There are many, many additional ideas on my Pinterest page for Funeral Potatoes
If you don’t have time to cook, please know that any gesture may be welcome. You could bring such things as the following:
- Gift certificate to a restaurant with take out
- Rotisserie chicken
- Bag of groceries
- Boxed staples such as macaroni and cheese or a boxed rice dish
- Cereal and milk
- Food can also be ordered online and sent as a gift including:
- Gift Baskets such as from Harry and David
- Peapod grocery service
- Dinnerly
- Blue Apron
- Send a meal
- Or, you can order takeout from a favorite restaurant and have it sent to the person in need
How to package a meal
Sympathy meals should be packaged in freezable and re-heatable packaging. Disposable packaging is great and affordable at the grocery store. Another option is containers from the dollar store. This way, the family does not have to worry about cleaning and returning the dishes
Labels are important, as the recipient may not remember your visit since they are preoccupied with other details. Casseroles and packages should be labeled, with information including:
- Date and donor name
- List of ingredients or recipe
- Warming instructions
- Information if you would like the container returned
What to Include with a sympathy meal
While sending a sympathy meal is a generous gesture, you may want to include additional items in the package for either comfort or ease.
A second, frozen meal or frozen soup that the recipient can easily prepare another day is a welcome gift. Or, you may want to include a side dish or drink.
Helpful items like disposable plates, utensils and napkins are thoughtful, so the recipient does not have to worry about dishes.
If the family has children, a small gift for them would be thoughtful, such as a puzzle book, toy, deck of cards, or stuffed animal.
Sympathy Meal Etiquette
When a family is in crisis mode, taking care of a loved one, or in the middle of planning and organizing, they may or may not have time or want company. First and foremost, follow any instructions on any organizing and planning documents carefully. Plan your visit in the times allowed. You may want to contact the family or the organizer first, to make sure the time you have scheduled is convenient. Let the family know when you are on your way.
The family may also not have time or energy for a visit, so be prepared to either stay and keep them company, or just drop off your meal. It is o.k. to ask what they would like. This gift is about the caring for the family’s needs first.
One additional thing to note is that while this gift takes your time, resources and energy, I think this is one time where a formal thank you is not expected. This is truly giving out of love and self-lessness. My own mother, who could take over for Miss Etiquette on most days, has gone through this. I have seen that even the most proper of people, when dealing with grief, sometimes are not even registering all that is going on around them.
Having some of their basic needs met is a wonderful thing, but they may not even know you have done it! That almost makes it more special, don’t you think?
For more videos on funeral potatoes, check out this Youtube channel!
Please check out my page of best Funeral Potato recipes, found here!
